The Decline and Fall of the Lair

 

 

The Lair (extrovertus athleticus) is now officially on the endangered species list. In the early 80s, tens of thousand of lairs could be seen roaming the wild in suburban and country football leagues, and dozens were being successfully bred in captivity in the VFL (the SANFL had an even more successful breeding program).

 

However, since the 1990s, successive culling and domestication programs have thinned the ranks of this once common species, such that it is rare to find a live lair in the wild, and those that survive long in captivity are as rare as thylacines.

 

The following list plots the historical decline of the lair. As you can see, their population burgeoned in the 1970s, before peaking in the 80s. A long-term decline began in the 1990s, and although their numbers were artificially inflated for several years by the addition of the Crows to the AFL, this could not disguise the long-term demise of this once common and revered creature.

 

The Lair

 

Great Lairs of the 70s:

 

Slammin Sam

Fabulous Phil

Sam Newman

Malcolm Blight

Stan Alves

Phil Manassa

Peter Knights

Jezza

Percy Jones

Robert Walls

Big Carl

Snake Baker

Kevin Bartlett

Royce Hart

Peter McKenna

Peter Hudson

Robbie Flower

Bruce and Ian Nankervis

Mal Brown

Graeme Teasdale (love that velvet suit)

Neil Balme

Rex Hunt

Geoff Hayward ("The Club")

 

 

Great Lairs of the 80s:

 

Peter Bosustow

Michael Roach

Geoff Raines

Mike Richardson

Warwick Capper

Dermie

The Dutchman

Mike Fitzpatrick

BT

Rotten Ronnie

Billy Duckworth

Jim and Phil Krakouer

Matthew Larkin

Ken Judge

David Rhys-Jones

Trevor Barker

Silvio Foschini

Micky Conlan

Ricky Barham

Peter Daicos

Doug Hawkins

Terry Wallace

Wayne Johnston

Tim Watson

Michael Turner

John Platten

Dipper

Jacko

Bruce Lindner

Steve Silvagni (he grew out of it in the 90s)

Craig Bradley (ditto)

Brian Wilson

 

 

Great Lairs of the 90s:

 

Allen Jakovich

Chris Mainwaring

Craig Turley

Karl Langdon

Peter Wilson

The Wizz

Steven Tingay

Wayne Schwass (pre-Pagan)

Doc Whieldon

Derek Kickett

Winston Abraham

Doug Barwick

John Barnes

Billy Brainless

Glenn Manton

Nicky Winmar

Mark Mercuri

Smokin’ Joe

Special Category: Crows players

Tony Modra

Chris McDermott

The Scud

Andrew Jarman

Darren Jarman

Simon Tregenza

Greg Anderson

Tony McGuinness

Nigel Smart

Andrew McLeod

Wayne Wiedemann

Matthew Liptak

Adam Saliba

 

 

Great Lairs of the Noughties:

 

Acker

Michael Voss

Stewart Dew

Nathan Brown

Nick Stephens

Chris Tarrant

Ben Cousins

The Juddernaut

Paul Medhurst (new inclusion, solely on the basis of his glory attempt to go for goal round the body from 55m out in dying stages of game against Saints in Round 2, with free team mate 25m out from goal completely ignored)