Getting in to the footy at Phone Dome

 

 

By an Angry Blue Fan

 

 

You lot all wonder why I won't go to the Phone Box for the footy.

 

When the idiots running the AFL decided they were going to build this farcical stadium right next to the other one in the city and close down the stadium with a 50% greater capacity and the best playing surface in the league as an AFL member I received a letter from the AFL heralding the decision. In that letter my great friends at the AFL were saying that they were taking away a large number of the privileges I paid around $250 p.a. for at Waverley but I could have the same privileges at the Phone Box for a "mere $5000 per year extra".

 

They then built this stadium and discovered in the first few weeks that no one could see the game in the forward and back pockets due to pi*s poor design and the grass didn't grow.

 

I resisted, but a good mate talked me into going to a game two years ago and Carlton was crucified by the umpires. I haven't been since.

 

Two years on, I make an effort today to buy tickets for the pre season
final and I come across the following:

 

1.. The AFL members booklet I received last week told me to go to the AFL members section of the AFL website for details of my entitlements to tickets for the game - since printing this booklet (remember, they posted it to me last week) they have revamped the AFL website and the AFL members section no longer exists (or it is certainly not where they told me to look and I didn't have two hours to look for where it was hidden). Gee, I wonder why the AFL members think the AFL doesn't give a sh*t about them so long as their cheque clears.

 

2.. I go to the only place I can buy tickets - ticketmaster7.com.au.

Interesting, Channel 7 can no longer broadcast the games but they sell tickets (for the purposes of this statement I will assume they do sell tickets rather than just pi*s people off who are trying to buy them) out

of their offices in this wonderful new stadium. There is no mention of the game or how to buy tickets for it on the website. Type in the search function "Wizard Cup Final" and there are no matches. Type in the search function "Wizard Cup" and there are 573 matches the first 10 of which are about flogging corporate packages for the entire fixture but still no mention of the final or tickets for it. Funny, I didn't go through the entire 573 matches as I assumed the Phone Box would only have another 563 attempts to flog stuff to corporates at a "mere $5000 per year extra".

 

3.. But, being the persistent little bugger I am I did manage to find the area on the website "selling" tickets. I have to register as a user before I
can buy them and then pick my location from the "venue information" menu that has only AFL Season 2004 as a reference, no mention of Wizard Cup or the fact that we've left 2004 well behind us.

 

4.. So I find where I want to sit and decide I should check out the price - nup. Can't do that. Gotta log in (I'm now a registered user) go through the purchase process then it will tell me how much it's going to cost.

 

5.. Ok, so I go into the purchase area of the site, try to buy the tickets, and I see this wonderful "new" function where I don't have to line up for the tickets but instead I can print them right here at the office - yep, I'll take that.

 

6.. So we enter the credit card details and confirm the details we've already confirmed previously and finally it comes up with a price, plus $5.25 handling fee (well I knew they'd screw me somehow so I expected a "fee" of some sort) plus another $5.25 fee for the privilege of printing the tickets at home on my paper with my ink and saving them the trouble of having to man and maintain a location at the venue to disburse said tickets - well now I'm starting to think they're taking the pi*s but hey, I'm a reasonable man and what's another $5.25 for the privilege of going to this magnificent stadium.

 

7.. So all we have to do now is press "continue purchase" and she's all apples. Hang on a minute, nothing's happened. So we read on, "if you're not sure your purchase has been finalised, click here for details and confirmation". So I click there, enter again the frigging details I've already frigging entered twice before and it comes back "an error has occurred - call 131600 for assistance"

 

8.. Alarm bells are ringing, my eyes are starting to water and I'm thinking about going to grab a coffee 'cause I just know in my heart of hearts that ringing that number is not something my blood pressure really needs today.

 

9.. So I grab the coffee.

 

10.. Then I dial the number on the mobile because it's got redial and I'm sure the phone will be engaged at least half a dozen times before I can get through. It is!

 

11.. But I get through eventually and then get a machine, not at all unexpected but it still pi*ses me off because I know the machine won't be able to help with what's going on with the website purchase I'm 95% of the way through completing. Select 1 for tickets to Wizard Cup Final (thinking I'll get an option to talk to an operator). Nup, nearly got through buying another two tickets before I realised there was never going to be an option of talking to an operator.

 

12.. So I hang up and dial again.

 

13.. Engaged.

 

14.. Engaged.

 

15.. Engaged.......

 

16.. A machine answers so this time I take the "all other queries" option.

 

17.. 37 minutes and 23 seconds later after I've been reminded at least 18 times of how unexpectedly busy the call centre is and how I can avoid these delays by using their wonderful website to buy tickets I get to speak to a very helpful young lady named Louisa/Louise/Lola/who gives a sh*t what her name was anyway.

 

18.. I explain to the said young lady the situation I'm in with my website purchase still frozen on my computer screen and she responds "Yeah we forgot to turn the machine on that processes the 'print at home' function". No apology, kiss my backside etc. Give me the details and I'll look it up for you.

 

19.. Hold

 

20.. "No I can't find anything. Give me your credit card details and I'll check nothing's been processed."

 

21.. Supply Credit Card details.

 

22.. "I have to get a supervisor to look that up, I'll have to put you on
hold."

 

23.. Hold - I can feel the blood vessels pulsating at the base of my skull, A stroke is not just imminent, it's inevitable.

 

24.. "No that definitely has not gone through."

 

25.. I then explain that I have been on hold for the better part of 40 minutes (prior to the last two times you've put me on hold) and ask the young lady if they have taken steps to alleviate the problems caused by their forgetfulness such as putting on more people to answer the phones. "Oh no' there's only about 100 people on hold here at the moment, when we're busy it's usually much worse".

 

26.. Stroke.

 

27.. I then provide the young lady with my name address, phone, credit card details and continue on with the purchase and point out the lunacy of a $5.25 charge for the print at home service and say no I don't need that option now that I know there's a charge, feel free to pay for the real estate at the venue, sort and print the tickets and pay the labour for the people to supply them to me and I'll save the $5.25. She agrees readily that it makes not a lot of sense but then points out she's not good at dealing with aggression and she doesn't even know who Ashley is. A few seconds go by and I realise she's still talking to me.

 

28.. Ashley, I have no idea who he is either and why is he being aggressive?

 

29.. "No you're being aggressive."

 

30.. "Oh, I'm being aggressive - I'm sorry but I'm feeling a little ticked off at this point and you haven't even had the courtesy of offering me an apology." But who's Ashley? (and you only have my word for it but my level of aggression was at about 10% of what each of you think it was probably at by this stage - I don't think I had even raised my voice)

 

31.. "Ashley's the guy they told me forgot to turn on the ticketing machine. And he's the one that did it last time too! Well do you want to buy the tickets or not?"

 

32.. "Haven't we already done that?"

 

33.. "No."

 

It's all a blur from there. You know how the human brain has this ability to shut itself down in cases of extreme distress or emergency in order to
prevent damage. Well I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I came to at my desk with a cold cup of coffee within reach and some numbers written on the page in front of me. I can only assume they're a reference number for some tickets to the footy that I have to pick up at Gate 1 on Saturday - No hang on a minute - Gate 1 was last year, I think it's Gate 6, I'll have to put you on hold and check that............................