Round
4, 2009
The
revolution that wasn't
Ben
Cousins had predicted blood in the streets if Richmond lost. Richo had urged
Tiger fans to show restraint.
But
they didn't turn.
Dennis
Pagan says
he still wants to coach. Gary Ayres gets a sniff and says even he still
wants to coach. This should surely constitute the final humiliation for
Terry Wallace and Richmond, from which there cannot possibly be any
redemption.
But
they didn't turn.
The
Rage is speculating
about likely replacements. Wayne Campbell is being turned into the most
over-hyped part-time second assistant back pocket stoppage skills coach in
history. The Herald Sun is even asking viewers to choose
their headline to announce Plow's demise:
But
still they didn't turn.
Everyone
at Tigerland knows that Terry Wallace needs, nay deserves, to be held
accountable for his record. Having the draft picks that Plow has had since
2004 and ending up with the team that played on Sunday is a bit like walking
backstage at a Led Zeppelin concert with 10 grams of cocaine and a 14 inch
appendage and failing to get laid. After four seasons of the Five-Year-Plan
and still playing the sort of game that would see training sessions turn
into a victory for the witches hats, Richmond found a new low by losing to
Melbourne.
But
still they didn't turn.
After
months of agitation the Tigerban fell silent and the board quietly decided
to let Wallace stay. All in all, a bigger anit-climax than the Government's
response to the 2020 summit this week.
So
what can explain the silence of the Tiger masses? Perhaps an explanation
lies in the fate of another militant, highly dangerous and volatile Tiger
Army which this week also raised
the white flag:
Tamil
Tigers close to collapse: Sri Lankan Government
SRI
Lanka's Government has claimed the Tamil Tigers are close to complete
defeat as France proposed a joint relief operation with Britain to help
civilians fleeing the fighting.
Sri
Lanka's defence spokesman today said more than 80,000 people had fled the
shrinking patch of territory still controlled by the separatist
guerrillas, saying troops were "rescuing" and not harming
civilians caught up in the war.
Whilst
the once-fearsome Tigerban now resembles the collapsing Tamil Tigers, the
attitude of the Tiger board now seems like that of the Sri Lankan
authorities - to "rescue" rather than "harm" its
beseiged coach.
Once
notorious as "The Most Passionate Fans in the League",
Richmond fans new seem to be suffering from what psychologists call the
state of "learned
helplessness". They are so used to being downtrodden and without
hope that they lose any motivation to make things better. This is a common
theme amongst peoples with a history of oppression and suffering, which
often leads them to forsake the kind of leadership that could lead them to
freedom and happiness once more.
As
the Old Testament tells us, the Israelites resembled downtrodden and
despairing Richmond supporters who has lost their passion after so many
years without a premiership in the land of the Pharaohs. But when Moses led
them out of Egypt and into the wilderness on their way to the Promised Land,
the long-suffering Israelites failed to respond to his leadership. After 29
years in the wilderness many lost sight of the Promised Land and became
nostalgic for the anguish and mental torment that they had escaped from.
They lost the will to seek a better future, and risked being led astray by
false prophets - which caused them to sack Moses as their coach and appoint
Terry Wallace instead.
This
outcome is bad for Richmond, bad for the Tiger Army, bad for lovers of
football drama, but good for Terry Wallace.
The
combination of a placated Tigerban and a supine club administration may mean
that Terry Wallace survives by default. They may regret not knifing him
before he knifes them.
Just
consider Plow's history. In 1996, Wallace, whilst assistant coach, colberted
Allan Jeans out of the senior coach's job at the Bulldogs. Then in 2002, in
classic mercenary style, he colberted the Dogs in the hope of getting a
better offer from the Swans. But the Sydneysiders saw through his perfidious
ways and appointed Paul Roos instead.
As
his history clearly shows, Terry Wallace is to colberting what Ted Bundy is
to killing - serial. This should surely be a warning to Richmond to get in
first and colbert Wallace before the master colberter turns the tables on
them and leaves them looking even more impotent and humiliated. Tiger Army -
you have been warned.
Solidarity
forever amongst coaches
Once
interesting turn-up from the Wallace turmoil was the support provided to him
by fellow members of the current and former coach's squad, who seem to have
adopted the motto of militant building unions, "Touch One, Touch
All".
Mick
Malthouse let loose with a classic
spray in last Saturday's Australian:
Wallace
feeding frenzy a disgrace
I
have been disgusted by the media's treatment of Richmond coach Terry
Wallace this week...
One
Melbourne newspaper went so far as to run front- and back-page stories
describing him as a "dead man walking" while football talk shows
have been marred by repeated questions over whether he will resign if the
Tigers lose to Melbourne tomorrow.
How
ridiculous...
What
is the obsession about sacking coaches? Why is there such blood-lust to
plunge the proverbial knife into someone who is widely regarded in
football circles as a good coach?
Side
by side with Malthouse were ex-Richmond coaches Tony Jewell and Barry
Richardson, who both know the feeling of cold Punt Rd steel between the
shoulder blades, who sent their messages of public
support to Plow.
Then
there was Danny Frawley, who was most
outspoken in his solidarity for the condemned man.
Danny
Frawley is CEO and spokesman for the AFL Coaches Association (the AFLCA).
Football Invective.com is not sure exactly what purpose this organisation is
meant to serve, but perhaps its purpose might be more accurately reflected
if was re-named the AFL Coaches Under The Pump Association (the AFLCUTPA)
since all it seems to do is rally coaches around to support each other
whenever the knives are out for one of them.
The
choice of Danny Frawley as its spokesman is even more perplexing. Given his
record in the coaching profession, it's a bit like appointing Dr Jayant
Patel as spokesman for the Australian Medical Association. Only last week,
the Herald
Sun recalled Frawley's brutal treatment at the hands of the Tigerban and
the club in 2004:
Amid
ferocious media and supporter speculation, and with the Tigers in 15th
spot at 4-9, Frawley announced on Monday, June 28, that he was quitting.
He
coached out the season, but the mental torment in the lead-up to his
decision for Frawley, his family and the club office-bearers is remembered
as a particularly sadistic period in Richmond's recent bloody history.
So
much so that Frawley's wife, Anita, has only been to one AFL game since -
Robert Harvey's farewell game last year.
In
light of this history of mental anguish and trauma, it therefore seems
curious that Frawley would now take on a role which enables him to re-visit
his own inner demons every time another coach comes under the pump. What
would possibly drive any sane man to re-open such wounds on a regular basis
is beyond the comprehension of Football Invective.com, but the subject would
surely make a great PhD thesis in psychology for someone.
Dockers
sink; Saints maybe
The
Old Heave Ho's mastermind genius coach extraordinaire Mark Harvey spent
Sunday fielding offers from Manchester United, Liverpool and Chelsea to take
up a position as manager, after the Purple Haze put 4 goals past St Kilda.
Unfortunately for Harvey, what constitutes a good score in an EPL match is a
risible return in the greatest game in the world, especially when St Kilda
bagged 22 of their own. Jolly Saint Nick got 5 of the best as Ross Lyon,
clearly having sent out men to do a boys' job, just sat back and chortled
for the entire evening.
The Dockers in 2009 are like Paris Hilton's underwear - overpriced, down
more often than up and a certainty to let plenty more in the back end before
it's all over.
Freo's pathetic efforts were compounded the next day with the Big Pav's
assertion that "I think we went with them in the first half".
If trailing by 5 goals to nil after the first quarter is indeed "going
with them", then perhaps this sort of logic also believes that
team-mates "pranking" other team-mates by "raiding"
their houses dressed
in Ku Klux Klan uniforms is actually funny.
Rumour
has it that Jeff "The Wizard" Farmer was visited by some of those
jolly white-hooded pranksters, and naturally feared the worse when he saw
them walking up his driveway. Nor surprisingly, he didn't exactly appreciate
the joke when he was invited to be play the "Grand Wizard" at the
next prank.
Fremantle
players model the club's latest
all-white
away strip
St
Kilda now sit top of the ladder and, despite the best efforts of many in the
club over the past 5 years, could finally be the real deal.
Back
in 2004, when non-Victorian teams reigned supreme and success-starved Vics
looked for a saviour, St Kilda and Geelong emerged as the two young teams
most likely to restore Victorian pride, with St Kilda's list and potential
generally seen as superior to the Cats. When it came to promising
up-and-coming football teams, St Kilda in 2004 were, in the words of
"Top Gun", the Elite, the Best of the Best. Since 2004, however,
they have been flying the proverbial cargo plane full of rubber dogshit out
of Hong Kong. Four seasons of underachievement later and St Kilda still
hasn't taken the next steps that it had repeatedly promised.
Fourth
in 2008 hardly counts. Finishing fourth in 2008 was akin to Saddam Hussein
once having the world's fourth-largest army - there was a big gap between
Iraq and the third biggest. But if Hawthorn continues to be injured and
hungover and the Bulldogs continue to have a great spear but no spearhead,
then perhaps this might be the year when the Saints can take the next step.
But as Viper said to Maverick on 'Top Gun' "I'm not going to stand
here and blow sunshine up your ass - you have a confidence problem." In
St Kilda's case they've had confidence problems, coaching problems, tactical
problems and cultural problems that have held them back, not to mention
Justin Koschitzke's habit of injuring himself by running into inanimate
objects.
Whether
or not St Kilda is up to the task, this week again showed that Carlton, much
to the delight of the football world, is still not. Carlton think they're
coming but they haven't even got to first base yet. Perhaps they should
invest in some Viagra to stop their expectations climaxing prematurely.
At
the MCG on Saturday, Hawthorn were more hungover than Barney from The
Simpsons as a rampant Port re-discovered its mojo. Teal
Coloured Glasses returned to SA from Melbourne hitch-hiking in
an Allan Scott truck after the game and was disappointed with the response
back home.
Port
beats the reigning premiers at the MCG. It played a classic, old-style
PAFC style of game. Warren Tredrea relived his glory years with 6 goals
(or perhaps just proved the theory that Hawthorn's backline really is its
big weakness). No less a figure than Malcolm Blight was predicting that
Port would make this year's Grand Final. So you'd expect a bit of coverage
of this stunning triumph in the South Australian lesser football media?
Well,
think again.
This
week gave us an insight into the completely Crow-dominated media landscape
that Adelaide has become. Both the 'Tiser and 5AA (known as '5 double
crow' in Port circles now that Stephen Rowe has replaced KG Cunningham as
Graham Cornes’ co-host on the 5AA sports show, they now ritualistically
berate Port every single night) have twigged that 70% of AFL fans in
A-Town are Crow fans and they are better off appealing to them rather than
providing balanced coverage.
This
week the Advertiser led its sports coverage not with the huge victory of
the Power, but with the bloke who happened to put the Crows to the sword:
Inside,
stories on the Port game were scarce, but stories making excuses for the
Crows' 8-goal loss dominated. Some
highlights:
The
most courageous 48 point home loss in history it would seem.
God
I hate the Crows.
Hero
of the Week: Gary Ablett Jnr -
The Best of the Best showed why on Saturday night against the Crows. 46
touches, 3 goals and a 48 point win against the (gay) pride of South
Australia as the Son of God appeared in all his glory to deliver a display
of individual brilliance that surely must rank up there with anything the
Old Man acheived. The fact that genuine stars like Bartel, Selwood and Corey
are made to look like good ordinary players when compared to Gary Junior
only serves to highlight how good the boy truly is
Geelong
fans are currently in delirium, as opposed to their usual state of delirium
tremens, with the only thing possible that could increase their delirium
being not only the return of the Father to the club alongside the Son, but
also the return of the Ghost from his burgeoning bricklaying career up
north.
Cult
Figure of the Week: Tom Logan - Not content with shutting down
Hawthorn's Luke Hodge for the entire game, Tom Logan added insult to injury
by sitting on the Hawk champ's head for the Mark of the Year so far. All
without anyone east of Bordertown even knowing who the hell he was.
Clanger
of the Week: Melbourne vs Richmond - The Worst of the Worst played each
other on Sunday and no matter the final score, it can truly be said that on
this day, football itself was the loser. The only thing worse was the
monumental anti-climax afterwards, as the status quo remains at Punt
Rd. For now.
