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Pre-season Tips and Invective - Part IV
After the small distractions of the Commonwealth Games and the Grand Prix, the attention of the Australian sporting public now turns to its rightful focus, and footballinvective.com once again boldly serves up its annual predictions for the final ladder positions of the year.
In the aftermath of the Commonwealth Games, Victorian Sports Minister Justin “Harry” Madden last week came out and said he wanted another sporting event in Melbourne that was “as big” as the Games. Curiously, he then nominated the soccer World Cup.
Thinking that the World Cup is "as big" as the Commonwealth Games just goes to show that Melbourne really can be just as parochial as any other city. There are 500 million European soccer fans out there, plus another half a billion South Americans who aren’t even members of the Commonwealth who might disagree ever-so-slightly with big Harry’s assessment.
But does Melbourne actually need another big sporting event anyway?
The answer is surely no, for Aussie Rules already captures the imagination and dominates the attention of Melburnians in way that a temporary sporting circus never could.
If the Commonwealth Games went for 22 weeks (like the footy season) there is simply no chance that every school and workplace in Melbourne on every Monday morning would be dominated by conversations about the weekend's results. Unlike the situation viz-a-viz football, there would never be any likelihood that the first question that people asked each other as soon as they met would be “So, what Commonwealth Games athlete do you barrack for?"
When the centerpiece of the Games' Opening Ceremony consisted of a footballer walking on water that the other 70 Commonwealth countries had never heard of, and even the ballerinas in the Closing Ceremony were wearing footy jumpers, then it’s clear where the sporting and cultural priorities of Melburnians really lie. Melbourne does not need another sporting event bigger than the Commonwealth Games – it has one every year. The Greatest Game in the World.
Let the War Begin.
1. Adelaide
The pride of South Australia will be crowing with pride in 2006, though the season did start off with one small hiccup in the NAB Cup Final on March 18. As if the Adelaide establishment didn't have enough to get them angry that day with a comprehensive Labor Party win in the state election, they also had to deal with the Crows going down in a grand final at Moron Park. They would have been taking to the streets and smashing their chardonnay glasses in anger. Nigel Smart may not have won his attempt at a green leather seat in the SA parliament, but his former team mates will more than compensate this September.
Arguably the biggest tactical blunder of 2005 was Neil Craig’s decision in the second quarter of that ill-fated final against the Saints to stand no less than three Crow players (including Ken "The Answer" MacGregor and the All-Australian full back) on Nick Riewoldt. This ultra-defensive, ultra-conservative approach smacked of naked panic on the ex-Norwood idol’s part, and completely flew in the face of everything both he and the Crows had served up during the season – champagne football, SA-style (indeed, does champagne football come any other way?). Neil Craig’s response to the threat of Riewoldt at CHF was the equivalent of Ronald Reagan nuking Grenada – a touch of overkill, wouldn’t you have thought?
Despite his success so far, Crow fans fear Craig could be the next Chocko Williams – take the team to the brink, then choke in big games. Last year’s final against St Kilda and the pre-season final lend weight to this theory but it should not be forgotten that Craig prevailed by a huge margin in his biggest game of all (and football’s biggest game of all) the Mega Showdown.
Footballinvective.com has the Crows, naked SA parochialism aside, as the best bet for premiership glory in ’06. It is likely that the Crows may face St. Kilda again in September. It is very likely that Neil Craig won’t make the same fatal errors of judgement twice. However, the writers of footballinvective.com implore Craig to read OUR column for a realistic assessment of the Saints, and NOT the logorrhea of The Hun and The Rage, which have done more to aggrandize the ‘virtues’ of the Moorabbin football department over the past three seasons than ‘Pravda’ ever did for Mother Russia in over 70 years of shameless obsequiousness. Only then can we all be certain that history will not repeat itself.
2. Geelong
After years of near-enough-is-good-enough, the Cats finally turned it around in the pre-season comp, with Sleepy Hollow taking delivery of its first silverware since 1963 and the glory days of Polly, Woofa, West, Wooller, Polinelli, Billy Goggin, Doug Wade and the Lord brothers.
The Cats may well have turned the corner with their win in the grand final (any grand final will do), when in response to genuine pressure in a big game they finally grew a pair and weren’t content to just let it slip.
Cameron “The Big Hairy Cat” Mooney was the match-winner that night and in the opinion of footballinvective.com has mellowed from being an erratic Rhys-Jones wannabe to now being a forward line version of Glenn Archer – the loveable enforcer who can blow a game wide open. With his flowing locks, raw passion and barely restrained volatility, he is the early favourite for the Peter Bosustow Medal for Cult Figure of the Year. Geelong occasionally had trouble scoring goals last year (and wanting to score them in the first place) but its full strength forward line (if it ever takes the field) is formidable – Ottens, Kingsley, Mooney and N. Ablett, with Chapman and G. Ablett also worthy contributors.
The loss to the Swans last September should still be burning inside everyone at Pivot City like a number 12 strength curry with extra chili. It is the mark of truly great teams that they are able to strike back after a devastating finals loss and use it as motivation for premiership glory the following year. Think of Essendon after ’83 or ’99, North Melbourne after ’98, or Carlton after ’94.
But it's hard to live down for decades of history, and there is still a huge question mark over whether Geelong is capable of such a turnaround. A big French cargo ship full of Louis Vuitton’s finest lies permanently moored in Corio Bay ready to discharge its contents and fill the market for handbags in Geelong, which are always in danger of being in high demand on any given football weekend.
3. West Coast
Undoubted class, but plenty of question marks now hover over the Eagles after an off-season that crime reporters might charitably describe as ‘colourful’.
Former captain Cousins, of course, had his now famous ‘run-in’ with the law, whilst Michael Gardiner seems to want to follow in the footsteps of coach Woosha, who in his playing days was able to successfully combine his job as a top-line footballer with a full-time career selling pharmaceutical products.
Gardiner has been banished to the WAFL ‘indefinitely’ until he mends his ways, and is rumoured to spend much of his time at craft markets buying and selling Persian rugs. Apparently the rug trade is proving to be very lucrative, possibly more so than footy, so we might not be seeing him back in the AFL any time soon. Not that Eagles’ fans are likely to care, given his most recent ‘contribution’ to the side in the 2005 Grand Final.
The effect on the team of these off-field distractions should not be underestimated. These troubles, combined with the loss of Little Phil, their only effective forward in ’05, means the Indian Ocean Pretty Boys go into 2006 with a less formidable side than 12 months ago. To make matters worse, the logical replacement for Little Phil, Ashley Sampi, has now followed in Cousins’ footsteps by also finding himself in the dock in the WA justice system. Nonetheless, the BMW M6 midfield is still ticking over nicely, and the psychopathic pharmacist has proven himself an adept tactician, so they won’t be slipping too far down the ladder this year.
4. Western Bulldogs
Just as residents of Melbourne never thought they’d see the venerable battler suburb of Footscray gentrifying, we never thought we’d see its footy team take on the look of something modern, flashy and desirable either. Rocket Eade returned to Melbourne in '04 after his stint in Sin City, and seems to have brought the flair of Oxford Street and the laid back spirit of Byron Bay back with him from New South Wales.
In the second half of ’05 the Dogs put the “lair” back into “flair” with some marvelously aesthetic football and are clearly on the way up. That this turnaround in their fortunes coincides with the rise of the next South Australian cult figure Adam Cooney (and the de-listing of Jade Rawlings) is surely no surprise. Moreover, Matty Robbins did a complete Peter Taylor, thrusting himself into the forward line limelight after years of obscurity patrolling the half back line, with a procession of late-season hangers and other assorted acts of razzle dazzle. With “Dr. Pink” Nathan Brown looking more like a hapless extra from one of those grisly TAC ads during the same period, Doggy fans could feel content in the knowledge that the position of Chief Lair and Crowd Pleaser vacated by Brownie had been more than adequately filled. The mangy mutts of yesteryear now have the look of 22 flamboyant pedigree poodles. Now all they need is the toughness of a few hungry Alsatians.
5. Sydney
It was poultry in motion last September, but footballinvective.com predicts that these Swans will sink back into the Sydney Swamp in 2006 – much like that hapless pelican in ‘Storm Boy’. The Sydney game plan will still be hard to beat, but it will happen more often this year.
6. St Kilda
Make no mistake, it’ll be more of the same this year from the Over Rated Football Club. Once again in an AFL pre-season, the lesser football media has jumped on the bandwagon and talked up its premiership chances, merely by virtue of the national draft results of four or five years ago. Once again, expect Nick Riewoldt to also be ridiculously talked up, and subjected to more over-exposure in ’06 than David Hasselhoff in ’05. And, once again, expect footballinvective.com to be the sober voice of reason that will continually pour cold water on those who delude themselves that the Saints are the real deal.
First, let’s start with Riewoldt. Sure he’s a nice guy, but footballinvective.com wonders whether his annual early season hyping up is merely another example of style beating substance for the impressionable types in the lesser football media. The question must be asked - if Nick Riewoldt looked like Cameron Ling would he be as hyped up as he is? We think not.
The lesser football media seem all too willing to throw around the tag of ‘potential champion’, but if Riewoldt wants to be a ‘champion’ centre-half forward then he needs to actually start playing in that position, rather than lead out from the forward pockets looking for an accurate pass from downfield. To be a really great player he has to stand up in a big game and perform when it counts – under pressure. We saw the results of him being put under pressure by the Lions in Round 1 last year. This should have been enough to shatter anyone’s illusions about his ‘champion’ status, though it obviously wasn’t enough for Mike Sheahan to stop treating him like his long-lost love child. Riewoldt’s fragility and, let’s face it, propensity to imitate Fat Tony Mokbel in big games (ie. go missing) has shaped the harsh but fair opinion held of him by footballinvective.com. An opinion that we yet see no reason to revise.
But if the ORFC’s “marquee player” is cause for concern, what can be said about the latest antics of its coach? Perhaps mindful of the “player power” revolt which tipped Stan Alves from office in 1998, Grant Thomas seems determined to not have any real leadership ability emerge amongst the playing group or support staff that may be a rival for his own authority. Hence his absurdly high rate of turn-over of assistant coaches, his ridiculous captaincy rotation policy and his practice of appointing progressively younger captains. Last year it was Little Nicky, this year it’s 21 year-old Luke Ball. Footballinvective.com predicts that if Ball gives Thomas any cheek this year then the next captain for 2007 will be the club’s first pick in the 2006 draft. The end result of this policy has been a lack of real on-field leadership and direction. Combined with a lack of tactical direction in the coach’s box, this has the potential to be disastrous in crunch games. Just as it was in the Prelim Final in ’05, not to mention the Prelim Final of '04 as well.
Thankfully, the first signs are emerging to suggest that the tide of media obsequiousness may finally be turning. In another example of the lesser football media only cottoning on to a good idea only after it has been aired on footballinvective.com, Robert Walls in The Rage two weeks ago finally realised what footballinvective.com has been saying for two years. Whilst journalists of The Rage are usually as welcome at footballinvective.com as pork spare ribs at a Bar Mitzvah, we applaud the insightful words of Walls:
For the past 2 years St Kilda has been Over and Under: Over-rated and Under-achieving. This will not change in 2006.
7. Melbourne
2004 – Fade-out 2005 – Fade-out
And in 2006……
Fade-out.
And with the exception of Russell Robertson – Still Soft
8. Port Adelaide
Port’s glory days are now well and truly behind them, as even a cursory glance at their recent playing list would attest: Gavin Wanganeen: Going Josh Francou: Going Matt Primus and Roger James: Gone
Like many teams after an era of greatness, the focus often switches to off-field distractions. Tony Santic, owner of Makybe Diva (and THAT tie of Chocko’s from the ’04 Grand Final that he paid $26,000 for) was recently installed as Number 1 ticket holder, which was fitting for a man with such a resplendent mullet.
Meanwhile, the club’s other favourite benefactor, Allan Scott, was mercilessly flamed on ‘Media Watch’ for using the Mt Gambier newspaper he owns to pour a bucket on a rival trucking company. Yet footballinvective.com believes such criticism is unwarranted. As various Port greats such as Cunningham, Ebert, Williams senior and co. would attest, such single-minded ruthlessness is part of what it means to be Port Adelaide, and the sort of values that made the club so great.
Meanwhile, attention has focused on Gavin Wanganeen’s 300th, with Chocko Williams not surprisingly turning up to take the credit:
Chocko’s presumption has prompted a flood of letters from footballinvective.com readers, with this contribution from Benji of Melbourne taking the cake: How is that prick Williams, trying to claim he “gave Wanganeen his most important lesson in football”? Once again he has made something for someone else about him! First it was the Grand Final speech, no mention of anything about the team that just won the GF, just a spiteful crack at one of the sponsors who had slagged him off. Enough about you, lets talk about me!
Footballinvective.com welcomes readers’ contributions to the great Mark Williams humility debate. Send your responses to forum@footballinvective.com.
In yet another example of the lesser football media following in the footsteps of footballinvective.com, The Rage has finally spotted talent at Alberton that footballinvective.com spotted as early as Round 7 last year:
We tipped this. We also tip that Cassisi will also be a front-runner for the Bosustow Medal. But we also tip a slide down the ladder for the boys from Alberton, and only footballinvective.com’s unashamed media bias towards all things South Australian (a bit like the ABC’s love of trade unions) keeps them in the 8 in our mind in ’06.
9. Essendon
As previously reported on footballinvective.com, Essendon’s midfield in 2005 was as fast and agile as an East German Trabant, a stuttering, slow-moving contraption that would have been ideal for a Windy Hill or Moorabbin mud bath in the 1970s, but lacks that certain something in the fast-paced modern game. Whilst they are no longer quite in the Trabant league they have sped up a little bit and now resemble something akin to a 1983 JB Camira (still not exactly known for its speed or reliability).
Don Midfield. From this:
To this:
Some at Windy Hill are beginning to think that Sheeds is losing his mojo and now lacks his former ability to inspire his players. If that is the case, then the addition of Gary Ayres to the coaching staff will hardly address the problem. Nonetheless, footballinvective.com believes there is some substance to rumours that the wily one is finally losing it. Consider for example his most recent examples of lateral recruitment from other clubs, namely: In the last 2 years Essendon picked up Matthew Allen, Scott Camporeale and Justin Murphy. Is it just us, or is Sheedy still trying to exorcise the demons of 1999? Perhaps Fraser Brown and Brett Ratten can be lured from retirement as the next part of this cunning plan.
Matty Lloyd has been appointed captain, a worthy addition to his already impressive CV, which includes a PhD in astrophysics, and a neurosurgery fellowship at the Mayo Clinic. It will be an illustrious next step in his career, before moving on to the position of Chief Rocket Scientist at the CSIRO once he hangs up the boots.
10. Brisbane
The Fat Lady has sung for the great Brisbane era. However, Voss is still Voss, Lethal is still Lethal, Black is still Black, Acker is still Acker, and Plugger Duck Brown still represents the biggest threat to life and limb on a football field since that runaway elephant broke loose at Arden St in the ‘70s. So we can still expect the occasional Gabbatoir bloodbath and Melbourne mauling. Brisbane in ’06 are a bit like Michael Jordan at the Wizards – undoubted class and superb pedigree (with a three-peat to boot) but simply no longer capable of world domination on a weekly basis. Guru Bob once famously said that good fast players get slower as a game wears on, but good tall players don’t get any shorter. In Brisbane’s case, good old players aren’t getting any younger.
11. Kangaroos
It’s DOBM Time in ’06 down at Arden Street. Just as in 2005, the Shinboners have assembled the biggest collection of Designated Ordinary Big Men of the modern era. Just look at this for an array of DOBMs (ie. unathletic players 190cm or taller): Hamish McIntosh: 203cm Jonathan Hay: 194cm Jesse Smith: 191cm Leigh Brown: 194cm Brad Moran: 200cm Drew Petrie: 197cm Chad Jones: 196cm Nathan Thompson: 194cm Michael Firrito: 190cm Jade Rawlings: 196cm David Hale: 201cm Tim Hutchison: 196cm Ben Schwarze: 190cm Shannon Watt: 193cm Joel Perry: 196cm Brent LeCras: 190cm Mark Powell: 193cm Saverio Rocca: 195cm (and a whopping 112kg to boot. Straight to the set of ‘Biggest Loser’ as soon as he retires)
A grand total of 18 DOBMs – enough to field an entire team. Dean Laidley (aka the Junkyard Mutt) seems intent on collecting old big players like Lindsay Fox collects old cars. But his strategy is flawed – at least Lindsay’s cars were good once. Thanks to his obsessive recruiting/recycling polices Laidley now boasts the same illustrious DOBM line-up that helped make Hawthorn the club it is today – Hay, Thompson and J. Rawlings. With Arden St now resembling a lost dogs home for washed-up Hawthorn big men, perhaps there is hope for Nick Holland after all.
Just as Blackadder the Second once told Baldrick that “horses are well endowed but that does not make them sensitive lovers”, the Mutt should take note that having the most tall timber does not guarantee quality results. For the Roos in ’06, Size Does Not Matter.
12. Collingwood
Anyone who has ever argued that the draft and salary cap have not evened up the game clearly was not paying attention in 2002 and 2003. When even the modern day Collingwood can make Grand Finals (and Shane Woewodin can win Brownlows) the AFL is nothing if not ‘even’. Pie fans who may have thought they were knocking on the door of premiership success will have had an industrial strength reality check over the last 2 years as Leon Davis, Ryan Lonie, Shane O’Bree, Tristan Walker and co. have not exactly enabled the club to step up to the next level.
This could be the last year for Nathan Buckley who, as previously alluded to ad nauseum on football invective.com, must surely have cause to rue his decision to leave Brisbane in order to “play in finals”. Rhyce Shaw should be declared a “required player for life” by the Pies hierarchy, if for no other reason than to constantly remind the football world of his priceless “brown underpants” effort in the ’03 Grand Final with the imperious Alistair Lynch bearing down on him. But given the history of nepotism that currently prevails at the Lexus Centre, he hardly needs to worry about future job security anyway.
Speaking of nepotism, there are now 3 Shaws at Collingwood to match the 3 Clokes. If nothing else they will be able to amuse themselves by forming rival boy bands, which will possibly be more entertaining than watching them play. Rumour has it that Jason Cloke wants to be cast as the ‘sensitive’ member of his band, whilst the Shaws will no doubt struggle to fill the ‘pretty boy’ slot in theirs.
Victoria has now lost both the premiership cup and Eddie McGuire to Sydney. But it will only want one of them back. And it won’t be going to Collingwood.
13. Fremantle
In response to the latest club crisis and the team’s perennial search for an identity, Chris Connolly has taken a self-proclaimed “hard man” approach to his players, which is not exactly in keeping with his past history (or that of his club). Trying to turn Chris Connolly into a hard man is a bit like putting little plastic knuckle dusters on Barbie. Like so much of the Docker’s history, this promises to be another gimmick that will go down in flames. A bit like their jumper, their club song, their national draft policy, Gerard Neesham’s game plans, Damian Drum’s coaching, the plastic anchors, etc, etc, etc.
After struggling for a decade without any clear sense of purpose or identity, Fremantle has now emerged as the Derryn Hinch of the AFL – expect the unexpected. In 2006 expect more inconsistency, more volatility, more choking, and, best of all for the football world, heaps more Angry Docker Fans in 2006.
Luke McPharlin wins the 2006 award for player who looks most like Geoff Hayward in “The Club”. By sheer coincidence he also happens to be as inconsistent as well. But whilst Hayward was stoned and staring at seagulls, McPharlin has no such excuse, though he should be good for a few crowd pleasing efforts.
Now that injuries, time, and God have finally condemned Leigh Colbert to the timid, anonymous retirement deserving of any unrepentant colberter, it now leaves one Peter Bell (‘leader’ of men as he is) as the No.1 colberter still playing this great game.
Just to remind readers who may have been living on another planet these last few years, Bell colberted the Roos after:
At the start of 1996 after being turfed out by the Purple Haze, let’s face it, ‘Dinger’ was closer to playing tonsil hockey with the crown jewels of an opponent at some obscure suburban VFL ground (after all, that was Peter Filandia’s fate) than consummating his dream of being a successful league footballer. By the grace of the Shinboner Spirit, Dinger is drafted by none other than the high priest of tactical innovation during the previous decade, Pagan, who cleverly deploys the nippy Bell as a useful forward line adjunct to the Carey/McKernan master plan. Within the space of three seasons, Bell has gone from bit-part forward pocket to nuggety top line midfielder in a champion team. Incredibly however, purple cash and mauve captaincy (as well as a nagging shiela begging to go back home to Perth – what’s so bloody good about Perth anyway?) made the act of colberting at the end of ‘00 a simple task for the Dinger, who has looked as likely to have success at Fremantle in his five seasons there as Stephen Hawking is ever likely to have getting it on with Heidi Klum.
Suffice to say, once a player has condemned himself to a life roaming this earth following the creed of the craven colberter, it remains a sad, incontrovertible truth that he will colbert again, and, devastatingly for all concerned, with an even greater sense of ruthlessness and perniciousness. Footballinvective.com predicts that Dinger Bell, before season’s end, will form an unholy trinity with new Docker assistant coaches Harvey and Shaw, and oust the unwitting (in more ways than one) Connolly before he can give those knuckle dusters a decent workout.
14. Richmond
The Tiges are now entering Year 2 of Plow’s 5 year plan, which means only one thing – we are getting closer to the inevitable and much-anticipated blood-soaked demise of Plow at the hands of the Richmond board.
Many have argued that Melbourne’s weather is fickle and unpredictable, but it is in fact perfectly predictable, in so far as it is possible to forecast the mood of Richmond supporters: April: Buoyant. “The most passionate supporters in the league” May: Demanding. Melbourne talkback radio feels the strain. Richo again under the pump. June: They Turn. Replacement glass on stand-by for Richmond coach’s box. July: Catatonic. Richmond supporter web sites start to read like the “Latham Diaries” August: Homicidal. Extra security staff employed at Punt Rd for the benefit of all concerned. Extra staff put on in Richmond mail room to handle torrents of hate mail and ‘special deliveries’ of chicken manure, sheep hearts and other animal by-products. September: In Denial. Tiger fans start talking up Australia’s chances in the cricket, whilst secretly dusting off their 1980 Grand Final videos for one more nostalgic viewing. October: Mellow. Tiger fans have put it all behind them and are now confidently predicting premiership glory the following year.
15. Carlton
Sixteen years ago, with North Melbourne struggling for kudos and cash, and Carlton at the height of its arrogance, the uppity Blues famously launched a take-over attempt against their neighbours on the other side of Flemington Road. Now the wheel has turned full circle. As if 2 spoons in 4 years wasn’t enough, the rest of the football world has enjoyed the added bonus of now seeing the once proud and cocky Blues reduced to pauper status, and going begging to the AFL to bail them out. Footballinvective.com confidently predicts that there will be much more joy for the football world emanating from Optus Oval in ’06.
Perhaps, as a final indignity, the Roos could launch a take-over attempt, at the bargain basement price of 3 surplus DOBMS (with Mick Martyn in ’03 as the down payment).
Carlton’s slide into the cellar from its position of dominance in the 70s and 80s mirrors the decline of West Indian cricket over the same period, but whilst Brian Lara can still bob up with a brilliant double century to remind us all of the glory days, don’t expect anything similar from Carlton’s last remaining superstar the Koutaman. Footballinvective.com is the first to acknowledge Kouta’s previous feats of greatness, but these days he and Lara no longer have much in common – apart from their confirmed status as gay icons.
16. Hawthorn
Speaking of aspiring gay icons, after two years of urging them on to their destiny of a mahogany ladle, footballinvective.com predicts that the Hawks will finally break through in ’06.
Regime change has been implemented at the Family Club (which now rivals Ozzie Osbourne’s family for general dysfunctionality) and Chairman Jeff has taken the helm. We assume he didn’t dust off any of the “Jeff f*cken rules” campaign material for his tilt at the club presidency, but he nonetheless promises a new era of excitement and notoriety for the brown and yellow. The back page headline writers at the Herald Sun must be salivating at the prospect of another enigmatic and outspoken club president who is likely to “lash out” at every opportunity. Not since Alan “Maggieland” McAlister have we had such a figure to keep headline writers and footy fans so amused.
Jeff’s first act in the top job was to move the club from Glenferrie and out to the remains of Arctic Park, where the player facilities are said to be so much better. The Hawthorn players seem to agree, and are said to be delighted with the greater number of full-length mirrors and tanning booths in their new headquarters, though its greater distance from the Chapel Street boutiques is likely to be a sore point.
Jeff was famous as premier for being ruthless and unsentimental in axing thousands of dead wood public sector jobs. He should now show an equal determination to take the axe to the dead wood on the Hawthorn payroll – both on and off the field. If ever there was a low-productivity workforce in need of being “jeffed”, it is surely the Dawks. And not just any old jeffing either. A good old-fashioned pants off, bend over and don’t-expect-this-to-be-over-quickly type of seeing to. The sort which Jeff, as a former Scotch boy, is no doubt familiar with.
Hawthorn’s latest recruits take the field
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Madden: Clanger
Santic: Mullettmania
Peter Bell: Colberter
Kouta: Gay Icon
Kennett: Purge Due
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