Round 3, 2005

 

 

If season 2005 has taught us anything so far, it is that St Kilda looks set to add another name to its Pantheon of great coaches. In the footsteps of those such as Mike Patterson, Graham Gellie, Daryl Baldock and Tim Watson (6 wooden spoons between them – enough for a Demtel promotion), Grant Thomas now stands on the cusp of joining this exalted grouping.

 

Thomas seems to handle defeat in a novel way each time. Two weeks ago at the Gabbatoir he was reduced to looking like a stranded wildebeest. This week, however, continuing the wildlife theme, he resembled one of those dopey laughing hyenas as he was observed having an attack of the giggles in the last quarter whilst his team blew a winning lead. Exactly why he would respond in such a jovial manner is hard to fathom. Maybe Allan “Entrepreneurial Dentist” Aylett left a bottle of nitrous oxide in the St Kilda box as a cunning ruse to create tactical chaos amongst his opponents. Or maybe Thomas’s giggles were simply the natural response to Steven Milne’s attempt at a comedy routine, when he blew a certain goal by attempting to play on from 20 metres out, only to have Drew Petrie show him the respect he deserved for such slapstick.

 

The General Leigh this week derailed the G Train (or should that be G string) in another superlative effort at full back. Whilst the General Leigh thrived in the warm conditions, the G Train (not unlike one of this town’s connex fleet) expired in the sweltering conditions somewhere between Spencer Street and Flagstaff. Perhaps the Fat Controller (i.e. Grant Thomas) needs to instill more discipline in his young locomotive.

 

As predicted (and prayed for) the Crows returned to some classic traditional SA football: loose-checking, free-flowing, ZTT policy, and, last but not least, a blonde mullet at full forward (S. Welsh). Whilst Welsh was discarded by Pagan and unloved by Ayres because of his lairish ways, in Neil Craig he has, just like the Karate Kid, now found a fatherly mentor figure who can now release his magic powers within.

 

Neil Craig has fooled everyone. Whilst the football world thought he was an unknown backwater hack, and the Crows hierarchy tried to convince us he was some kind of new-age free thinker (the next Gerard Neesham perhaps), it turns out that it was all a cunning ruse all along. He is in fact the ultimate SA traditionalist, who has returned the Crows to their traditional values, as exemplified by the Cornes era. And what a sight it was in Showdown XVII.

 

Port also embraced traditional SA values for the Showdown, but thought they could match the Crows at classic SA lair football. A fatal mistake. Nobody does it better than the Crows, least of all at home at Moron Park. Like Napoleon and Hitler, who thought they could take on the Russians hordes on their home turf and according to the Ruskies game plan, Port Adelaide discovered what it means to awaken a sleeping giant in his own bed.

 

It was somewhat puzzling to see Chocko in the last quarter, as his side went down to its arch enemy by 11 goals, looking on in the coach’s box chewing his cud and acting so calm that you’d think he found Lawrence Angwin’s secret stash that he left behind at Alberton. Perhaps, however, he was just basking in the warm inner glow and feeling of contentment at seeing some classic South Australian chardonnay football. Maybe for him, despite his side’s horrific loss, it was satisfying enough that on this day Football was the real winner.

 

Like certain Buddhist monks who spend long periods of time in isolation so that they may gain further spiritual enlightenment, Malcolm Blight has been doing the same at Palm Cove playing golf for the past two years. But having ascended to a new spiritual plane, like Moses coming down from the Mountain, he returned to the earthly world this week, and shared his wisdom with Age readers:

Flooders are doomed: Blight

By Jake Niall
April 12, 2005

Having ended his self-imposed exile from football, dual premiership coach Malcolm Blight has declared that the teams that flood most have no chance of winning the premiership.

 

Blight, who returned to the Channel Ten commentary booth on Saturday after spending two-and-a-half years avoiding the spotlight, said teams that used flooding "consistently" would not win enough games to be contenders and that it was a tool of struggling teams.

 

"You won't win. The bottom line is you won't win enough games to make top-four position, if you do it consistently, week-in, week-out," Blight told The Age yesterday. "It's a hard way to play footy. I reckon blokes get tired and their skills really drop off.

 

Asked about the trend of heavily flooded games that opened out after half-time, Blight quipped: "Maybe the blokes are bored running up and down doing nothing."

It was vintage Blighty at his best. But, if the words of the Oracle are true, it can mean only one thing: This weekend’s Crows-Swans game at the SCG will be the most significant game of football in 13 years. It is the most attacking team in the comp versus the most defensive team in the comp.

 

If, as Blighty is saying, flooding won't last and the game's natural evolution will eliminate it, then this match looms as the ultimate test of whether or not that theory is true. If it is, then the Crows' laconic SA-style game will overcome the tactics of the Sydney Swamp (aka its backline flood). As a result, the rest of the comp will take note and ditch flooding tactics in favour of Crow-style free flowing football.

 

Not since the 1992 Grand Final has there been a more stark contrast between an attacking and defensive style of game. The 1992 Grand Final pitted the best attacking team of its era against he best defensive team of the era. When the Weasles won it determined the course of football for the next decade - everyone took note that it is defence that wins flags, even against the highest-scoring team of all time. Perhaps we are about to witness another historical turning point in the opposite direction.

 

Whilst Showdown XVII served up the usual laconic SA style, Derby XXI was suitably lame in comparison. Despite Josh Carr’s stirling, albeit futile overachievement on behalf of his new employers, surely he and new Eagle (and ex-Crow) Tyson Stenglein would have been watching Sunday’s Showdown with a real sense of regret and envy. The Juddernaut evidently knows no other way than to keep steamrolling on, after almost singlehandedly leading his side to an eight goal turnaround in the second half.

 

Peter Schwab’s decision to overlook Chris Judd in favour of Luke Hodge in that season’s national draft ranks only second to the Nick Stevens’ trade in terms of the overall psychological impact that one recruiting move can have across the competition. That Schwab has been duly punished for spurning Judd’s talent is pure karma.

 

Just as the Crows returned to their traditional style of football in Round 3, so too did Geelong, taking us on a trip down memory lane to the days when Ian and Bruce Nankervis (aka the Leyland Brothers – you know, travel all over the countryside) played the most indecisive, indirect brand of football imaginable. Needless to say, this made life a whole lot easier for the Dees.

 

It’s now officially started for Brad Ottens. After three ordinary games as DOBM, the flood of gratuitous advice that is the lot of any under-achieving Geelong player has begun. Leading the charge this week was Sam Newman, who showed why he has a deserved status as of Great Lairs of the Game, by offering the following advice to Ottens:

"The good players don't give a stuff about how their side plays, where their side finishes or what score they kick. Good players make sure they play well themselves – then the rest falls into place.

"He has become a very unselfish footballer and that has diminished his esteem about himself. The best team players are the players who play well – and you only do that by being absolutely selfish.”

TigerWatch, Week 3: Dr Pink came out against the Dons, and had Doggie players chasing his ass all day. Much to his delight, no doubt. Richo, meanwhile, gave the Dogs his customary annual caning. Richo the footballer is a bit like Dean Jones the cricketer - he saves his best for mediocre bowling attacks. Just as Deano, a fellow lovable cult figure, could always be relied upon to hammer hapless pommies and Sri Lankans with style and flair, but quickly transmuted into a bunny rabbit against Hadlee and Ambrose, Richo loves to dominate against the scraggers and the also-rans, but his evil twin invariably takes the field in the games were it really counts. The Tiges now face the Heave Ho next week. This was meant to be the game when the fans turned, but it looks as if that pleasure is now going to be denied to the football world for at least one week more. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

 

 

Hero of the Week – S. Grant – a second consecutive last quarter hat-trick to win the game for the Roos

 

Cult Figure of the Week – Neil Craig – for instituting Phase 2 of “The Plan” (*see Round 2 Invective)

 

Clanger of the Week - Grant Thomas. Likely to be the first of many nominations for G. Thomas in the Clanger Brownlow of ’05, after he pointed out that Shannon Grant had only 3 touches in the last quarter.

 

 

Tally so far of heroes and clangers:

 

Who have we praised?

a)     South Australians; and

b)     North Melbourne players

(perhaps we are channeling Malcolm Blight?)

 

Who have we bucketed?

a)  Journalists; and

b)     St Kilda

 

Certain themes are beginning to emerge for the year ahead.