Round 15, 2004

 

 

There's trouble down there at Moorabbin. The fourth loss in five rounds for the Saints means we can all sit back and look forward to more of the exemplary crisis management skills that successive St Kilda administrations have entertained us with over the years, whilst the flotilla of bandwagons which began the drive down Nepean Highway from the MCG during the last quarter on Sunday can safely be put up on blocks again for the rest of the year. As a first installment of the Saints crisis management plan, the club has blackbanned 3AW after the radio station had the nerve to report news of sexual misconduct allegations (that's right  - allegations) against un-named  (yes, un-named) players. Shock horror! Naughty 3AW! Thankfully for the Saints they face Richmond next week, but the question marks over their ticker will surely remain. Footballinvective.com's next Big Statement for the year is that the round 18 match between St Kilda and Geelong in 3 weeks time will determine which one of these sides finishes in the top 4.

 

At Colon Stadium on Friday evening, the Pie Army went mute after half time and went home after three-quarter time as Geelong read them their last rites for season 2004. Baby Jesus, aka Son of God was on fire in the forward line, and only his freakish ability to hit the post 4 times denied him a deserved five goal haul. Whilst he does not have the size or altitude of his old man, the sight of G. Ablett diving into a pack minus ball, only to miraculously emerge with ball on the other side, triumphantly streaking towards goal, is one to excite Cat fans almost as much. 

 

Two other highlights of this game cannot pass without comment. First, Matthew Scarlett once again showed himself to be the best full-back of his generation - fearless, skillful, unbreakable. The umpiring, on the other hand, resembled something from a Benny Hill skit. But if the umpires were intent on imitating a famous British comedy, so too was a certain A. Rocca of Collingwood, who must have been auditioning for the role of Baldrick in the next series of Blackadder, such was his bumbling, slow-witted ineptitude. Seriously, it must have been Rocca's worst game of his career, as he had four kicks, took just one mark, walked into a waiting tackle every time he got the ball, and kicked one solitary goal from a charity free kick ten metres out with five minutes to go. Based on this weekend's performances, one could be forgiven for thinking that the two Roccas had swapped identities, as young Anthony played like his brother at his worst - a slow-moving, ponderous pachyderm, placidly grazing in the forward line, whilst 35 agile athletes conducted a game of football around him.

 

Meanwhile, Richmond gave Matty Rogers a fitting send-off which encapsulated the club's form during his 197 games - show a (misleading) glimpse of talent, build up the hopes of fans, only to fold insipidly and incur the wrath of the Tiger Army. How apt. Whilst in the same game, James Hird notched up his 200th and suffered another unfortunate and downright weird injury. 

 

Footballinvective.com hopes that Hird will take this latest set-back a bit better than he has handled previous ones. Whilst his greatness as a player is undoubted, he needs to get a better sense of perspective and be grateful for all the things that he has still got going for him - pretty boy looks, sublime natural talent, two premiership medals, a Norm Smith, a Brownlow, a beautiful wife, three beautiful kids, a big house in East Melbourne, national fame, national respect and more money and career prospects than you can poke a stick at - all by the age of 30. Yet this man entitled his autobiography "Tough Times". "Tough Times" Hirdy? Turn it up.

 

 

By The Way:

 

Footballinvective.com does not like to say "we told you so", but it's got to be said. First, look at what Age 'journalist' Rohan Connolly wrote about Hawthorn's current plight last Saturday:

 

"..it's starting to feel pretty similar to the spiral of angst into which Richmond has been reduced for more than 20 years now since its greatest era ended... So vivid and lasting are those reminders of the Tigers' greatest hour that the expectation at Punt Road now almost routinely exceed the club's capabilities. That's a theme noticeable in the almost annual talking up of the Hawks' finals and flag chances each new season, perhaps even present coach Peter Schwab's now infamous prediction back in February of a premiership."

 

Now look at what footballinvective first wrote in Round 5 Invective - a full 11 weeks before Connolly:

 

"Footballinvective.com believes Hawthorn may be worthy of the title of the 'New Richmond'. Think about it - a previously dominant team whose golden era was within the life-times of many supporters, and whose current personnel still live in its shadow. Each year the club and its supporters get cocky and delusional, thinking they're on the cusp of 'the revival' that will recapture the dominance of the glory days. This year it was Hawthorn's coach in spectacularly delusional style predicting they'll win the flag."

 

It doesn't say much for Connolly's journalistic abilities that it took him 11 weeks to figure out what was the bleeding obvious to any perceptive football observer several months ago. What a great advertisement for the "talents" of Age journalists - those fearless seekers of new information and breakers of stories. Perhaps its masthead should read "The Age: First with the news, 11 weeks late every time" 

 

As Paul Keating once said, "they all pop the bland pill every morning down there in Melbourne - you only have to read 'The Age' to see that"